Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
