Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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