I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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