I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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