There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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