Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
