This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The power of my boobs compel you
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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