Just mADE A PArabola og urine
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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