are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
