I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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