we're blogging at a bar
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize