I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
