and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
