i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
