I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
