Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
