Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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