when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
