I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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