I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
