fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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