please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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