Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize