Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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