We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize