Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
