I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
