We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize