he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
