So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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