I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
