a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
