Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
