You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
