it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
