they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
