so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
