I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
