JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
