I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
