I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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