Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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