Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
