I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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