if i can run in heels then i can drive
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
