Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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