So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
