All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Why are your pants in the freezer?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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