she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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