I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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