I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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