so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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