How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize