Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
