thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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