Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize