plz talk dirty to me
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
