ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
