you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
