I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
there is puke in my bra ... again
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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