I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
