If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
