All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
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