the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
where are my eyebrows?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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