Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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