SEEEEXXX PLEASE
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
