I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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