You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
