oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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