If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
