I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
