saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
