Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize