Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
This is my gift to your gina
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
