I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
