my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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