We're like a lot better than the average bears
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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