I'm drive I can fine osifer
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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