It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
