Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
